Trial Exposure
I always hated the climb. My quads screaming, my calves crying, my poor wee heart fluttering like a little bitch. I just wanted to stop, sit on my arse, take my boots off and lay there. When rest was found, and my heart returned to normal pace I would simply sit and enjoy the view. It was a view I had earned and one that most would never see. Like an eclipse that lasted five, fifteen, maybe an hour if I was lucky. When the break would draw to an end I’d put my pack back on and keep climbing up, and repeat that process over and over again until it was the end of a week and the start of another one.
Living that kind of lifestyle was pretty cool, and obviously sets in motion some interesting brain patterns. The pain inflicted on me was not optional, even though it was my choice to be there. Trials that are uncomfortable or force someone to break new emotional ground are called a ‘peak experience’ They’re a highlight. Something beyond the usual bullshit. It’s in those states that the brain is trying to adapt and make sense. Successfully processing and interpreting of the event opens new doors of possibility. Failure to process or overcome an event results in psychological injury, and PTSD has now joined the match.
When confronted with a leap of faith, a moment to shine, or a sinking ship to abandon there is always a point of peak vulnerability and awkwardness that must be overcome. If there is a shred of doubt, it will cut the flow to ribbons. It is only in the moments when the safety line is untethered, safe ground and cover is forfeited, and the terrifying blacked out room of the unknown is entered, that we move into what is called the flow state. The daft and dull moments of life are insignificant to the point that they can’t be recognised. Perception of time goes out the window. Superhuman levels of intuition and near psychic connectivity with others takes over. Coming out of this state is a felt anti-climax, a return to the dull, uninteresting and repeatable process of dissatisfying events that all drone into the unending day. The only relief is the app based life of social media and Netflix: Endless scrolling of limitless content provided to keep your brain set to stun.
A trial is one that makes new or breaks old character. It trips the system and resets the board. These experiences are ones that change the physiological flow and processes of the body and allow the body to rest and regenerate, or attack and analyse. To create your own template and steer your will to the outcome, the vision… is to control your life.
The hardest thing about the trial is that you never know when it’s near you, only when it’s upon you. There is no warning. It falls like a teardrop and hits like a ton of bricks. It twists in the gut like a sword carving though flesh and guts. It sweats and smells like cowardice and fear. The real engineer of outcome is able to recognise the fear and pain within and overpower the madness with something much more conscious and sentient - love and free will. Decision. Manifestation. Power.
There can be more exhilaration in this one moment than in a whole year of smaller, happy moments. The adrenaline rush and boiling heat of speaking up in anger for the first time. The hormonal rush of asking a person out to dinner. The unstoppable god-like feeling of achieving what seemed to be impossible.
Those moments mean something. They change our perspective on reality. They unlock new areas of the brain, connect new neurons and install new software into the operating system. The boundaries of your capability are a thin veneer, not a brick wall.
Engaging in these brain patterns and triggering a flow state was almost a pre-requisite for warriors, a rite of passage. It is ancient knowledge that has been forgotten and disregarded in the times of Westernised standing armies, where the warrior does not need to be at one with eternal peace. The modern warrior is an object, a chess piece to be thrown into the fire on a whim. There is little necessity for spiritual awakening and understanding, especially if you are to follow a command without question. In fact, the effects of an awakening are quite detrimental to the establishment, hence why you’ve never heard about it and why it’s been demonised. The warrior who sees the way is not concerned with the orders of those who do not walk it themselves. Life has more value when you are sacrificing it for another.
The samurai, the Meso-Americans, the Vikings, the Indians and the Pacific Islanders all understood the power in spiritual connection and flow. The average warrior could execute detailed and rehearsed moves. The deadliest Samurai was a poet, a painter, and could slice a man to ribbons as beautifully and eloquently as a bow gliding up and down a violin string. The Vikings ritualised psilocybin and would communicate with their warrior elders in Valhalla. When you reach out and communicate with what is on the other side… life and death and the way through life have an entirely new meaning. What awaits you is understanding, and it is all you’ll ever want to know.
Whats the difference between who we are now and who we were then?… The trials we’ve had to endure in our generation. Whether anyone could handle an event better than anyone else is completely irrelevant. We are all survivors and descendants of warriors who potentially fought to bloody death to defend the bloodline. Ancestors who pillaged villages, killed people and cut the forests down to survive. The agriculturists merged with the warriors in our bloodline to create the organised society to develop knowledge and focus human efforts into large and fruitful food development, with warriors to protect them and hunters to supply commerce with fresh meat. This gave us scholars… and the desire for control of others. Hierarchy. Status. Dominance. Primal genetic stems that were tens of thousands of years in the making.
The trials on our plate now may not be as grandiose as the ones gone, but the trials that face us now are far greater than locusts and invaders. Our struggles are for freedom of choice, education and awareness. Lack of sleep from playing with a smartphone all night. Anxiety from that lack of sleep. Lack of sleep that develops more anxiety. New scientific studies involving the once demonised psychedelic and psychoactive compounds that change the way we think about human life, our understanding of the brain and heart, and our future as a species. Yet they are still being blacked out by special interest groups that are still trying to dangle their pharmaceuticals and complex carbohydrates in front of our eyes. We are also starting to see the damage we are doing to our brain and body with a sedative called alcohol.
The trials and battles we undertake cannot be won without understanding the benefit of overcoming them. Leaning into awkwardness and uncomfortable situations. Loving the excitement of doing something fuckin weird that no one would have guessed you’d do. Coming full circle.
The trials don’t get easier, we just get better at handling them. Embrace those moments that make your guts twist and body shake and just look through the problem. The only way out of the pain is to go through it, lest you dare face it again.